How to make girlfriends

My top tips for making friends right now. This isn’t some generic BS. It’s exactly how I do it.

Friendship doesn’t need to be in the top two priorities in life (which could be family and your health both physical and emotional) but I do think it should be in the top three. Matched with career or hopefully even more important than career. JUST MY OPINION.

I think people are happier with consistent good friends around them. I think their health improves and other areas of their lives feel more “fun.”

So I prioritize it. And these are my tips:

The biggest one I can give you…. is put ego aside and be the pursuer. 

Pursue. Pursue. Pursue. 

In reality what this looks like: You might ask someone to hang out 10X before it actually happens. Most people stop asking after the third time if it doesn’t work out.

But people are busy and you are NEW to them meaning not yet a priority. IF they seem engaged and happy to hear from you every time you reach out, keep reaching out. If it feels flat on their side, okay give up. If they are engaged, eventually they’ll be able to meet up. And if a friendship is made over that coffee/walk!!! You’ll both be happy you didn’t drop it after attempt #3.

10 attempts! 10. Not 3. 10!

Second tip. Keep pursuing. At a young age I realized everyone wants to be pursued. So if everyone wants to be pursued as a friend… who is pursuing? Are people just not making friends then? There IS a loneliness epidemic with both men and women. Realizing this I just said, Okay! I’ll be the pursuer.

That is NOT to say I pursue people who don’t give me an equal energy exchange. Everyone I pursue is (usually) happy to hear from me. Grateful I keep reaching out. When we see each other the exchange is life giving. 

AKA I’m not pursuing people who only take. 

I would say 7 out of 10 hangouts or phone calls or texts I have orchestrated. I need girl time and I realize other girls need girl time. It’s just so easy to put it on the back burner. So I do my best to keep friendships ~alive~ and growing.

I think the best way to make a friend is, after you have an amazing interaction with someone IRL, add each other on Instagram. It feels like less pressure than exchanging numbers (which is also good to do though) Then you can see if you kinda vibe online. DM, then set a date!

”Hey I saw this event is happening on Friday. Wanna go with me?”
”Are you free for an hour long coffee date on Tuesday around 10am?”
”Hey didn’t you say I should checkout XYZ? Is this them?” <—- And then get a convo going

And also note: You’re never going to 100% agree with the people in your life. If you are looking for a perfect match in a friend it won’t happen. You WILL find out things about them that irk you but they’ll also find out things about you that irk them. If 95% of the things about them you love, that’s a great match. 

”When thinking of my future friends I envision this type of person, this look, this age, this kind of job, these beliefs, and a past that looks like ______.” No. Drop it.

And also try to find some friends who are in different decades than you as well. Both younger and older. Life will be richer and better if you do that. All the girlies of all ages need each other.

Last thing, if you want to fast track friendships (not a bad idea and most of us appreciate it especially if it’s just obvious the two of you vibe) then you need to get talking about yourselves as people- what makes you tick and what’s underneath the mask we give the world. I ask for Myers Briggs and Enneagram all the time so I can really ask deep questions about them. And I can tell them what I am so they too can ask questions.

^^^My entire friend group is into this. They are perfect systems and they aren’t meant to box people in but they are great conversation starters and can give you quick snap shots of people.

It’s not too late to meet friends. If you think that’s the case: Look up a woman in Dallas named Suzanne Palmer who met her girl group in her 70s and they are living the life together 20 years later. It’s not too late.

Water the women in your life. Old and new. And let them water you in return <3

No will will be perfect though. Forgive them.