Rewriting past relationships- To the girl I never gave credit to

I don’t know if you know, but I first launched the Violet Fog with another girl. She was talented beyond belief and we also ran a social media agency together at the time. She was the first business partner I’ve ever had.

We parted ways after our first year- I took over VF.com and she took over the social media agency. It might have been only a year of business together but we accomplished a lot back then. I look at that year in my 20s and I see how pivotal it was for my career. But it wasn’t until these past few years that I could see it that way.

For years after we split ways I would look back at it mostly with sadness and anger toward our partnership. I would think that it was a shame that it ended, but also a good thing. I had so many conflicting views going on. The truth was— it was too hard to run it together in the long run. We needed to part ways even though we had created something big.

The main problem was I was majorly focused on the blog while she was focused on the social media agency. The agency was making 80% of our income but in my heart of hearts I felt it was the blog that was making the kind of impact I wanted to make. She wanted me to pull more weight with the agency and I wanted to pour more into the blog.

Different desires.

The other problem was relational. Our talents complimented each other but our personalities clashed. She often felt that I slacked, wasn’t reliable and wasn’t willing to up my skills in other areas that we needed and I often felt she was too bossy and not imaginative enough with the stuff we were doing on the blog.

We fought often. And I’m talking big, disgusting fights.

When our partnership first ended, my feelings were all over the place. I was mad. I was relieved that it was over. Grateful I had the blog, but embarrassed that I made such a financially poor decision giving up the agency (majority of our income.) Very me, willing to be a starving artist lol.

I was disappointed in both of us. I felt like a failure and I also felt let down by her (as I’m sure she felt let down by me.)

I would learn to think of her as someone who was an amazing business partner but one who came with a controlling environment (controlling for me- who is extremely type B.) I would think of how we had different views and values therefore it could not have worked— differences are not a bad thing, but I told myself it was the dagger in my creative expression at the time. If I’m being honest, I probably thought my values were right and hers were wrong. Not true, but it probably was what I thought back then although I’d never admit it.

I would think about how I dodged a bullet and how it was good thing for me that we got out of the partnership.

It became my narrative up until I moved to Austin.

I’m entitled to my feelings and beliefs, yes- but I also must admit how little I ever thought about it from her perspective. How little I asked myself— Yeah, but what did you do wrong? Where’s your responsibility in this? Painful things to ask yourself, but such a necessary thing to do if you ever want to grow as a person.

The Violet Fog was originally a blog all about San Francisco life. We catered to women. Our writing and view points were unique (She and I were writers, and we had other writers in the beginning too.) We ended up getting a lot of our first big opportunities EVER from that blog. She and I used to get SO excited over hearing from a brand in our emails. Those were good times. We hit a few really amazing strides for such a new blog.

VF has evolved over the years (It’s no longer about single girl life in San Francisco- how fun was that!) and I’ve had ebbs and flows with the website. It got hijacked in 2020 and felt like one of the biggest losses of my life. It wasn’t until very recently that I finally gained enough steam to get it going again. (Perhaps this is why I have recently been thinking about its history so much.)

Memories of my first partner on Violet Fog has of course faded over time but I can’t help but think about the very start of it and the very start of it wasn’t just me, it was me and someone else. Her. And I thin now how much my narrative has since shifted. Like really shifted. And it’s such a beautiful, peaceful thing now.

Present moment I think of how I would not even be here career-wise if it wasn’t for her. (I would have been okay but you know what I mean.) I think of how it was truly her who really helped get this blog off the ground. She laid so much of the backend foundation in those starting months. She sourced so many of our first opportunities. It was she who created a lot of beginning inertia for Violet Fog blog. Even though it was me doing most of the writing, it was her work ethic that made a huge difference.

And it makes me sad that I never once admitted that to her. I was too stubborn. Too prideful. Too wounded. (I now see how wounded she may have been too. Maybe not though idk. I’m an emotional bitch!) Through all those thoughts though, I see how she was needed back then. My adhd can be so crippling and I needed someone to help keep us on course- especially in the beginning. I thought of her as controlling, but perhaps at the time that’s exactly what I needed. And perhaps she was not controlling at all and it was just me lacking discipline.

I realize now that from her POV I was likely someone she believed in, but was never willing to be organized enough to relieve her anxiety. I was selfish about the hours I agreed to work and I was never willing to uplevel certain skills of mine that would have greatly benefited our businesses. All I wanted to do was write and I was greedy about that.

I don’t think I ever apologized. I never told her how valuable she was in that time period. And I don’t know that I ever will now that so much time has passed… but maybe I’ll send her this one day. I don’t know. I’m not sure how it’d be received. I have no agenda other than to tell her I’m sorry about the part I played and that I’m grateful for what she did for me.

God says to make things right. It’s important to me to look back at that relationship with love and grace and not with bitterness. No matter how long ago it was. Things happen for us, not to us. I see that now.

BTW- She ended up doing INCREDIBLE things. Her photography career took off even more and my goodness did she deserve all the success. In my mind, she is one of the most talented people out there in her field. If anyone was to ask me if they should work with her I would be like- you’re an idiot if you don’t. I see how it turned out for her and I see that it was meant. <3 I’m so happy for her. For both of us, really.

I’m where I’m supposed to be too. <3
———

Any relationship stories you’re re-writing? It could be worth it. Do share.